"holy pink capri's batman" - AvengerBelle

So I came home last night from Toms , which was a blast !
then about 1:30am this morning my phone rings and I was blown away it was John a guy that I have been attracted to for quiet awhile now and he asked if I wanted to go out to his place because him and some friends were hangin and partying over there .. even tough I had only been home like 3 and half hours I couldnt say no cause John is just hawt and he makes me laugh so much he is a constant nut I hung out with him quiet a few months ago and He kissed me but I was with Jase and i didnt respond or react because thats me if I am with someone , no matter where they are I am still true because it is just how it should be but I guess like I said I have always had an attraction to him , and obviously from his call this morning he must like me somehow . I am wondering if I should attempt to see if something can happen there or not .

The last few weeks I have really been relaxed and just kicking back and enjoying life and doing somethings I would never have done before either because I thought it was unacceptable or just because I wasnt allowed so in a since the last few weeks I have felt so young like I am getting something back that I missed and I have had fun .. real fun I have been in Idaho damn near 8 years and I am just now meeting people , making friends hell for the first time it almost feels like I am home in some way. With all that said I know that I dont just want to have fun forever .. its not my style I do miss a commitment I miss knowing that someone is only there for me knowing that I dont have to worry about "shareing" or wondering who else is in the picture . Dating is nice hanging out at friend is nice but i do want in the long run to settle back down and be happy only this time with the right person.

Chris does not want to be in a relationship with someone who has 4 kids
Tom has kids and is great but does NOT want to ever remarry nor can he have any kids .. I want both
John has a little boy and a daughter ... he does want more kids and does want to settle down at one point.

So I mean logically I can keep dating and just enjoying that and maybe meet people and see if fate puts someone in my life or I can act on how I feel about John and see what comes of it if anything . I do not want to settle I dont want to settle on Tom because I know no matter what we would be looking at things very differently and all that so I cant just keep going on and get into something serious based on a hope or wish or dream that he MIGHT change his mind because then I am setting myself up for another failed relationship where I will be unhappy and I am not about to let that happen.

Either way I know one thing that I may be having fun now and some may think that is a horrible thing and I am a bad person but as of now I have no responsiblities here right now , I am living on my own finding myself so to speak which is something I should have done when I was a teenager . but When things change the minute my babies walk back in my door it all stops I go back to being a mother and setting an example and putting only them first.