"holy pink capri's batman" - AvengerBelle

I am coming to realize that if you do not have this chance are no one gets it or even understands it and just what it means to someone who does have it, some even think that its not real its just an excuse. Tonight My soon to be ex husband asked me when I was gonna get my Meds. I told him it should be tomorrow but I don't know because I wont have a ride to go and pick them up , so he tells me to take the bus *rolls eyes* you would think someone who was married to me for 9 yrs would know just how hard that is for me to do ... it is very hard pretty much impossible for me to do . Especially lately with increased stress levels.

People need to understand I do NOT want to be like this , it is just how it is for me.. I literally hate anything social some days I cope just fine and I pretend it doesn't bother me even though the thoughts are still there.Its hard to explain the anxiety you can feel when you feel like even tiny movement is being judged by the people of the world the way you walk the sound of your voice , do people think your to fat .. to skinny .. to short .. do they all wonder why on earth your wearing that out fit .. why those shoes .. do you walk odd do you stand straight.. why is she with him .. why is she buying that .. what is she thinking .. the list goes on its a flood of fears and thoughts filling your head even if you know logically that no one really gives a damn about you or what your doing you cant not control that feeling .. it gets to the point that I cant cope at all i would rather not even try I definatly cant be on my own and do this not at this time in my life .

Its not a paranoia people with this disorder we are aware that are thoughts are irrationally that people arent judging us this harshly but we still feel it. I wish I didn't because as long as I have been like this people still don't get it , they think that I am difficult or something and I wish that those around me had it for even a day so they would know what im feeling because when they just assume I can casually walk out of my house and on to a bus full of strangers and be ok with that .. it hurts me because I wish I could but the thought alone makes me want to cry.