"holy pink capri's batman" - AvengerBelle

I have been thinking a lot tonight and well the time has come .. I am stepping back from mindsay NOT leaveing just stepping back , the last few blogs I have tried to blog with the frame of mind that I am writing it all for no-one other then me if any of you kept journals as kids you know what I mean where anything and everything was written , every thought fear and dream and it didnt bother you because you knew no one was judging what you wrote in there. I write better that way know that there is no personal connection to me that no one is personally judging me if that makes sense . Over the last year I have gotten rid of blogs I had here for yrs I have moved down to mostly friends only blogs and there are only 10 friends but I must admit it is just time for me to stop trying to force myself to blog here anymore for now at least.

A while back I was attacked personally in a very personal way and I don't think I have gotten past that I still feel like someone out there is watching every comment , every post analyzing it and all that shit and I cant take that .. When that type of thing happens to someone like me who naturally feels judged by the public as it is , and then you have somethings said to attack a personal friendship or relationship .. it tends to stick in your head and linger and make you feel cautious of all you do .. as if I am not already bad enough in this area.

Anyhow in short I am stepping back NOT away as I said I will be keeping this right here and when and If I feel the urge to blog I will do so but I just don't think I can here anymore I dont want to have to make everything viewable to a couple people I dont want to feel like I cant say some things because god only knows what someone will think . I want the freedom to just get thoughts out of my head again and to be able to do that with ease and peace of mind. I hope that makes sense to you all .

Peace Di .